The first year of marriage is undoubtedly the most important period for a couple. Be it an arrange marriage or love marriage, the challenges are basically the same. No matter how much the couple interacts before the marriage, the real deal starts when they start living together. None of us were aware of everyday troubles that married people will have.
Just a few days ago, I had the whole bed to myself. Now I try & stretch my leg and a hair muscular limb restricts my movement. Instead of picking the newspaper, I had to pick up a tea kettle early in the morning although I don’t drink tea. The most dreaded moment was to enter the bathroom after my hubby left for the office. The whole place used to be a mess. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash bottles used to be scattered on the floor, at times liquid oozing out of all three of them. The toothpaste tube never had a cap on it. Mirror used to be covered with mist & splashes of his shaving cream. I used to tread around with such care as if one wrong move & a landmine would blow right on my face. My ordeal didn’t end here. The real challenge was to get rid of the wet mess of cloth he ‘Jockey-ingly’ left behind.
We moved in the same house he earlier used to share with his friends. His friends would casually drop by to check on their freshly ‘taken’ bhai. At times, hubby would invite them for a cup of tea which would extend to dinner, after dinner snacks & coffee. I would yawn by covering my mouth with cushion or hand, not to offend Mr. GN or his buddies who continuously crack some really silly jokes about office, cricket or ex-room mate. Most of the time they remained oblivious to the fact that I was even present there. After many such yawn-inducing encounters, I used to politely excuse myself & retire in the bedroom. Their laughter wouldn’t let me sleep rather it made me miss my BFFs even more.
When I wanted to talk, he would shuffle the tv channels & nod occasionally to show that he is listening. I knew he wasn’t. Otherwise, would he nod when I said “Hey I am going to take all the jewelry & ran away with the Dudhwala bhaiya tomorrow/??!!! ( people do that in the first year of marriage. NO, I am not talking about the nodding part 😀 )
Many times we were on the verge of starting the third world war. Reasons?? I washed his shirt that he wore only once. Really! After how many wears & tears does a shirt qualifies for a wash?? When I lovingly applied ghee on his chapati when he was on a diet ( occasional vada pav or biryani with colleagues wasn’t a problem). Changed his mother’s recipe of ‘Kadi Chawal’ ( it tasted good by the way).
I shall admit that sometimes I secretly wanted to mix horse laxatives in his masala chai whenever he ransacked my wardrobe just to find the other pair of socks. I could also sense that he wanted to smother with my favorite pillow ( pink with white daisy flowers) whenever I used his badminton racket to kill the creepy looking moth hovering over my head.
Five months passed, still there was no apparent solution to problems. I decided enough is enough. Something needed to be done right away. So what did I do to survive the first year of marriage?
- Accepted the fact that I can’t be a perfect wife nor can he be a perfect husband overnight. It’s rather hard to accept the reality of life. My marital status changed in a night but that won’t change the person I am. Same goes with the person I married.
- Stopped creating the picture perfect home. Admit it, our thoughts are corrupted by the way daily soaps & films portray the happy-ever-after homes. In reality, it takes efforts & patience to change a bachelor pad into a couple home.
- Started communicating instead of Talking. Well, it was a team effort. We both tried to communicate, to understand each other’s mood, likings, comfort level. It was a gradual process but an important one!
From food to fun, dressing up to letting hair down, masala tea to rich foamy cappuccino, our interests were as similar as chalk & cheese. If I were a word, he would definitely be my antonym. Nothing ever matched. The only thing we had in common was our surnames. But as the time passed, we began to acknowledge each other’s presence & importance. Things are better than it was earlier. To quote Mr. GN, now tension is far less between Indo-Pak 😀
( P.S – This is my side of the story. I am sure Mr. GN will have equally or more heart-wrenching account of the first year of marriage. I will ask him to grace my blog some day 😉 )