Another life succumbed to social pressure? Or is it ? Who is to blame for the gruesome suicide of a well educated & independent girl? This incident has stunned many for it doesn’t involve a minor who is facing family pressure to perform well in examination, or a woman facing harassment at home for dowry, a working women being exploited at a work place, a woman who bear abuse because she is not financially independent.No, none of these.
A 31 year old, Priya Vedi, Delhi doctor working at reputed All India Institute Of Medical Sciences (AIIMS) committed suicide in a hotel room on 20th April 2015. In her last note on social networking site Facebook, she blamed her gay husband, Kamal Vedi, for keeping her in dark about his sexual orientation, mentally & emotionally harassing her. The husband, himself, is a senior doctor with AIIMS.
This incident has left behind many questions.
Why she took such a drastic step when she would have walked out of this joke-of-a-marriage & seek divorce ?
Why she kept bearing the torture for 5 long years?
Why did a literate man like Dr. Kamal Vedi couldn’t come out of the closet & accept his sexuality ?
Why did he marry a girl at the first place knowing fully well that lives are at stake here?
Was his family aware of his sexual orientation or they refused to admit?
Did they marry their son ‘to get rid of the evil’ ?
All these questions and many more question we ask to ourselves WHY?. Its not simple as it seems. Priya Vedi, was a well educated girl, financial stable. We can assume that she hailed from a family who would stand by their daughter in crisis. Why didn’t she speak to anyone? Do we actually put so much of pressure on an individual to make his/her marriage work that no matter what they have to remain tied to their spouse? Or she was being an over optimistic person, hoping to change her husband eventually with love & care? Was that even possible?
The man knew about his orientation but chose to keep mum may be because it would cost him his reputation in society. People would question his manhood. He might have been ostracized from the society. Or simply his ego was not letting him admit to his own identity. But was these reasons enough to destroy a human life?
When we look at the role of family or society in such cases, they behave in worst possible way. Homosexuality is still treated as a disease. Babas & leaders are boosting of a cure to eradicate this western-influenced disease from our holy land. In 21st century, people still haven’t come in terms with the fact that homosexuality is as normal as being straight. There is nothing evil about it. And for havens sake it can’t be CURED by magic, yoga, surgery or getting the person married. Hope the family & society broaden their minds before this insanity causes any more lives.
Her father-in-law as quoted in The Indian Express ” “These things are more common today so we do not know why our daughter-in-law was so disturbed. Of course, he did not tell me he had these problems. In fact, the marriage was fixed only after he met her and gave his consent.” He further went on saying that ” being a ‘traditional Indian woman’, it was Vedi’s ( Priya ) responsibility to make the marriage work.
What a narrow minded patriarchal thinking !!
We are no one to judge her. We might never know what pain she was going through. But this incident is surely a lesson for all parents, our society, individuals who fail to accept their sexuality & ruin many lives. And above all to the women & even men who are stuck in such marriages hoping for a miracle. Not only the girl, her husband , in laws but we all are responsible for the cold blooded murder.
While the matter in subjudice, we might never know what drove her to take extreme actions. Having said that lets not forget ‘Suicide is not an option.It has never been. It will never be’.