How I Survived The First Year Of Marriage?

The first year of marriage is undoubtedly the most important period for a couple. Be it an arrange marriage or love marriage, the challenges are basically the same. No matter how much the couple interacts before the marriage, the real deal starts when they start living together. None of us were aware of everyday troubles that married people will have.

Just a few days ago,  I had the whole bed to myself. Now I try & stretch my leg and  a hair muscular limb restricts my movement. Instead of picking the newspaper, I had to pick up a tea kettle early in the morning although I don’t drink tea. The most dreaded moment was to enter the bathroom after my hubby left for the office. The whole place used to be a mess. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash bottles used to be scattered on the floor, at times liquid oozing out of all three of them. The toothpaste tube never had a cap on it. Mirror used to  be covered with mist & splashes of his shaving cream. I used to tread around with such care as if one wrong move & a landmine would blow right on my face. My ordeal didn’t end here. The real challenge was to get rid of the wet mess of cloth he ‘Jockey-ingly’ left behind.

We moved in the same house he earlier used to share with his friends. His friends would casually drop by to check on their freshly ‘taken’ bhai. At times, hubby would invite them for a cup of tea which would extend to dinner, after dinner snacks & coffee. I would yawn by covering my mouth with cushion or hand, not to offend Mr. GN or his buddies who continuously crack some really silly jokes about office, cricket or ex-room mate. Most of the time they remained  oblivious to the fact that I was even present there. After many such yawn-inducing encounters, I used to politely excuse myself & retire in the bedroom. Their laughter wouldn’t  let me sleep rather it made me miss my BFFs even more.

When I wanted to talk, he would shuffle the tv channels & nod occasionally to show that he is listening. I knew he wasn’t. Otherwise,  would he nod when I said “Hey I am going to take all the jewelry & ran away with the Dudhwala bhaiya tomorrow/??!!! ( people do that in the first year of marriage. NO, I am not talking about the nodding part 😀 )

Many times we were on the verge of starting the third world war. Reasons?? I washed his shirt that he wore only once. Really! After how many wears & tears does a shirt qualifies for a wash?? When I lovingly applied ghee on his chapati when he was on a diet ( occasional vada pav or biryani with colleagues wasn’t a problem). Changed his mother’s recipe of ‘Kadi Chawal’ ( it tasted good by the way).

I shall admit that sometimes I secretly wanted to mix horse laxatives in his masala chai whenever he ransacked my wardrobe just to find the other pair of socks. I could also sense that he wanted to smother with my favorite pillow ( pink with white daisy flowers) whenever I used his badminton racket to kill the creepy looking moth hovering over my head.

Five months passed, still there was no apparent solution to problems. I decided enough is enough. Something needed to be done right away. So what did I do to survive the first year of marriage?

  • Accepted the fact that I can’t be a perfect wife nor can he be a perfect husband overnight. It’s rather hard to accept the reality of life. My marital status changed in a night but that won’t change the person I am. Same goes with the person  I married.
  • Stopped creating the picture perfect home. Admit it, our thoughts are corrupted by the way daily soaps & films portray the  happy-ever-after homes. In reality, it takes efforts & patience to change a bachelor pad into a couple home.
  • Started communicating instead of Talking. Well, it was a team effort. We both tried to communicate, to understand each other’s mood, likings, comfort level. It was a gradual process but an important one!

From food to fun, dressing up to letting hair down, masala tea to rich foamy cappuccino, our interests were as similar as chalk & cheese. If I were a word, he would definitely be my antonym. Nothing ever matched. The only thing we had in common was our surnames. But as the time passed, we began to acknowledge each other’s presence & importance. Things are better than it was earlier. To quote Mr. GN, now tension is far less between Indo-Pak 😀

 

( P.S – This is my side of the story. I am sure Mr. GN will have equally or more heart-wrenching account of the first year of marriage. I will ask him to grace my blog some day 😉 )

 

24 COMMENTS

  1. Quite sad, but, knowing him well is extremely imperative if you must
    love him safely. He’s an ideal partner if these traits are domiciled in
    him: bit.ly/1XtVxEX

  2. Recently i also completed one year of marriage,and i can relate very easily how thing changes before and after marriage.It really seems very difficult to deal with the changes at the starting for both men and women.But the key is communication and mutual understanding. i really liked you post..keep it up!!!

  3. Oh I really liked your post! I mean seriously girls’ life changes totally. I really liked the way you have written your experience from picking tea kettle instead of newspaper. This very small example tells the entire story that how the life changes after marriage. Great post! Keep Writing!

  4. If I were a word, he would definitely be my antonym! In my case, he is the tidy one and we don’t even share a surname. 🙂
    I feel all the couples love to discover differences. I mean, who would like to spend their whole life with a mirror image?
    Honestly written, enjoyed reading 🙂

  5. Everyone has a story and surely a funny one (though it may not seem so initially :-))
    Well-penned Garima!

  6. Join a new kind of Social networking website http://sprybirds.com which is both Social and Business networking website. Sprybirds.com provides it’s users to create their Professional, Personal and Business Profile. People can join people as friends and business buddy. If you have a business relation to anyone means your sailer, buyer or any business relation Sprybirds.com gives you option to join them as Business buddies. You can list your business and also create channels. Sprybirds.com is a complete Social and business networking website and have all the options which other Social sites have. And Sprybirds.com have other extra things to do. Sprybirds.com is a Social networking website for the people who want to do their Social and business activities at a time on a single platform.

  7. Well, I guess that’s the story of every household. It’ a bit difficult to understand each other in beginning but with time it all fit into place. Good to see you did good in the end.

  8. An interesting perspective GNS and love the humor you injected in it. Makes sense for an eternal bachelor like me scared to shared my prized bed with someone for a lifetime:)

    • Sharing is another name of marriage. The couple share many things at so many different levels. It is surprising how two people from completely different backgrounds come together to start a life together!

    • We walk in a relationship with loads of expectations without realizing the fact that expectations are endless & hard to fulfill. That’s life…that’s marriage 🙂

  9. Ha ha! I really liked the pointers. They are practical and work all the time. I knew VT for 5 years before we got married. I did not have any problems cos if the house is messy for me, it’s for him too 😛 Today too, I am not bothered much. I realized in the long run a perfect house doesn’t matter. Other things do. I have delegated a lot of things at home and that keeps me sane 🙂

    • Thanks Parul. You are right perfect house doesn’t matter. Imperfect is real & more lively. That’s the way it should be.
      Now we have a unwritten agreement, he take cares of the house on weekends while I handle the kids ( latter being more ‘tension wala kaam’ in his words). Delegation is the key. We picked up tasks that suited us both. For now, horse laxative & daisy print pillow is kept away untill the need arises 😀

  10. It’s really tough to change overnight and start to admire other’s like & dislike. Useful pointers indeed. Like the way you differentiate between communication & talk. 🙂

    • I agree, when two grown ups from different background & up bringing come together, differences are tend to creep in. Communication becomes the only way to keep things rolling.

Comments are closed.