Yesterday I had a lovely session on one of the Fb group I am part of . I was invited as guest speaker . The topic was “love & relationship ” . We had a hearty discussion on many aspects of love . I was surprised to see the approach of people towards matters of love & relationship was strikingly similar . Our fears , anxieties , reservations , problems are identical . The discussion was intriguing , I cant help but to share it with you all :) …
Member’s question :-WHAT IS LOVE? WHAT IS RELATIONSHIP?
ME :- Love is like a cocoon , tender , attractive , vulnerable , fragile whereas relationship is a complete butterfly , mature , fully grown , strong , ready to take on the world . you can say relationship is next stage of love .
Member’s question :- It is widely believed that most love die…most relationships fail. due to lack of money. What would your arguments be on this ?
Me:- A valid point , money matters . Money is comfort & luxury . It can buy you things to make your life easy but it cant make you happy . This might sound a cliché , but money is never a basis of happiness or love .Had it been so important , we would have never heard of a break- up or divorce of rich & famous . Every single day we hear about a celebrity calling of their wedding or leaving their partner for other . Does money has a role to play . no .
I would like to quote Joseph F. Newton ” People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges ” . until & unless you wish to revive your relation , nothing else would matter.
Relationships fails , due to lack of money . It is true ??? Do we stop loving our parents , sisters , brothers , friends because they are not rich . Is money ever a criteria in our relationship with family & friends . Why do we make so much fuss about it with a partner . One argumenta could be , because we live together & manage the finances . Than manage it simple !!!!. Don’t let it ruin your life . Don’t let it destroy what you have built & nurtured for years . We all face situations , financial , personal or social , why not deal with it in a straight forward manner . Find out the problem , work out what best can be done & go ahead .
Member’s question :- In your opinion what are the reasons why two people fall in love with each other?
ME:- Why people fall in love :) . Love is the only feeling that binds everything in this universe . Little exaggerated … well yes & no . Can you name one emotion that doesn’t have hint of love in it …..it comes naturally to every living creature . Science has its own explanation but I firmly believe that it is our innate tendency to love & to fall in love .
Member’s question:- I come from a society where a boy has to start with little presents to his girl, money, money…then when they’re eventually planning to get married, he’s in some ways responsible financially to cater for some things in the prospective in-laws’ family. Now, my question is, what could be done to change our mindset…to make our women know that they aren’t with that man just because they want his money, or to make him pay for any form of happiness they’d give him. To me, it’s like services…pay and go.
ME:- its a social mind set . Since the day we are born , our family , friends & acquaintances start influencing our thinking . When I was a little girl , I used to ask my mom why dad has to earn & you have to look after kids & house . Why it is not other way round . Her answer used to be ” this is how it is . It has always been like that .” .
It was an oblivious & simple answer , but I grew old , developed my own rational thinking , I wondered why “this is how it is . It has always been like that .” . Is there a rule book . It is written anywhere or it is law of the land . No , it was none . It was just a social setup developed centuries ago & since has been practiced without being reformed.
In any culture reforms are important . Rules that doesn’t match the modern sensibilities must be changed . How ??? Start from home , teach our sons that earning money is not his only duty or sole purpose but a contribution to his family . Advise our daughters to be financially independent , learn to look beyond money & status . Judge a person by his qualities & behaviour not by his bank statements . We have to take an initiative …
Member’s question :- I love that statement change our mindset & start from home. But that may be a bit difficult in our society, where almost all financial responsibilities are borne by the man.
ME:- we don’t live in perfect world . We have problems , pressures , short comings . But I would like you to answer a simple question . who controls your life ?? Your partner , Society , friends ?? who ?? Can you make your decisions ??? DO you wear , eat , buy what you like ??? Than why cant you live your life the way you want . Who is going to stop you . If some people are offended by your life choices , ignore them , its you who has to decide how you want your life to be .
If a girl decided to spilt all expenses with her partner before or after marriage , its her personal decision . Its between two of them . Someone has to come forward & change the old ways . Why wait for anyone else to do it for you. Why cant you do it yourself . Talk to your partner , explain how you want your life to be & act accordingly .
Member’s question :-What would be ur advice for pple who hv been hurt in past relationships but are yet to find dat one special person.
ME:- My dear friend…there is no sure shot formula of finding perfect person at one go…its a trial & error method…dont be hesitant to approach or being approached….keep your mind open…just make sure that you don’t look vulnerable or needy…stand firm on your ground & enjoy ur time